LOCKDOWN DIARIES #2

THE RIDE 

… I dash for the exit. I can feel the heavy shock and silence behind me. In seconds I am reversing almost hysterically. I realise then that someone has to open the gates for me to drive out. My host bursts out of the front door laughing and shouting; “herh, you be ‘fearo’ (you are a coward), where are you running to?” I m not going to fall for this old trick. Ordinarily I would probably quench the engine, park and pretend not to be afraid, but not this time.

(I may one day tell a story of how years ago, based on a similar dare, I ended up being lashed in front of my class for an obvious stupidity – not again)

It is clearly not the time for jokes as the clock keeps ticking away. I am begging and requesting the gate to be opened. I didn’t even say goodbye properly because every second felt like a minute gone. I am speeding through potholes like I am driving on an asphalted highway.

Earlier that morning before I stepped out, my dad had complained about my outings and the risk it brought to everyone else in the house. I promised to return soon but here I was racing back home at 11:38PM. “I have to get the “fisherman’s friend’ for the Oldman by all means to appease  him”, I thought. I finally got one at a pharmacy and request to pay with MOMO because I hardly carry cash around. The attendant doesn’t look amused but honestly, I couldn’t be bothered because between going home empty handed and dealing with an unpleasant attendant, my obvious choice is a no brainer. As the gods will have it however, the mobile network decides to ‘dance’ with me for while. I think I spent 30 minutes transacting in the pharmacy but my watch would later show I only spent 4 minutes and few seconds. 

I hit the main N4 dual carriage way and I am the only moving vehicle on this usually busy highway. There is a radio documentary about the ‘origins and spread of highly infectious global diseases and pandemics’ on 101.3fm, BBC World service. The guest sounds very knowledgeable and some of the facts he’s speaking are quite scary.  All of a sudden I begin to take stock of my packed day; What was and what could have been – Had I exposed myself in anyway to the virus? Am I coughing or is my throat itching, I quipped.

I suddenly remembered I don’t have my other phone which I often use for work and other official tasks. I last used it at Tony’s house so I knew it would be there. Not retrieving the phone now would mean that for two weeks, I will not respond to many business engagements. I am in deep contemplation whether to return for the phone and risk being caught by the Military guys on my way back, or to ignore work for the next two weeks, (mind you this is ‘pay-day’ week).

I smiled and immediately… (500 word limit – to be continued)

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pasifred@gmail.com

LOCKDOWN DIARIES #1

MY FIRST CURFEW –

Its 10:00pm, and lights are out in this area. My primary number most people know is off, and I am locked up somewhere that I may have to spend the next two weeks, if I don’t leave within the next three hours. I’m having fun here but a ‘little voice’ in my head keeps reminding me that I would have no tangible explanations for why I was here in the first place, and how come I didn’t leave earlier.

Earlier in the day, I ran several errands before linking up with my “Botweburg” brothers. As always, we had good hearty chats about nothing, drank the choicest beverages, ate and reminded ourselves in subtle ways why we need to stay alive and be successful. Quame MP put it better when he said “wiase y3 d3”.

My name is Pasino Man and for the first time in my life, I have to hole myself up in the house, not of my free will but in compliance with the Friday night directive of the President of Ghana for a two-week lockdown- asking all to stay home. Technically I should not be affected since I am an essential service provider, but I can work from home so I intend to try and stay home for the next two weeks; something I have never attempted or done in my adult life.

I am always on the move and the last place to find me on a regular day is the house.

I moved back in to my parents’ over the weekend because everyone had concerns about my health. I admit to having a poor eating habit and though all who have tasted my meals will attest to my extraordinary cooking skills, I will easily opt for a can of soda and biscuit than spend hours in the kitchen cooking a single meal. Being alone in a house for two straight weeks and counting was therefore going to unsettle anyone who cared about me so I agreed to temporarily relocate from my apartment to my parents’.  To occupy my time, I have made resolutions to learn a totally new skill; Computer coding, and to write more. Yes, I have not written articles for my blog (www.pasinoman.wordpress.com) for a while because I have been busy but now I have no excuse. My lockdown chronicles will be a Five hundred-word article.

It’s getting warm and interesting in here. I am enjoying the conversations and all that’s coming with it (insert wink emoji). Upon recommendations, I know I have to get a dietary supplement (blood tonic) to aid me eat more in this period. I steal a glimpse at my wrist and realize its thirty (30) minutes after Eleven (11:30). I immediately start hearing police/military sirens from a distance and my heart begins to skip beats. I have flashbacks of a social media video of military guys threatening mayhem on anyone who flouts the “stay home” directive.

I grab my car keys and without warning… (500 word limit – to be continued)

follow me: @Pasinoman

pasifred@gmail.com

NAM1 IS A HERO: INVEST IN ANY NEW SCHEME HE INTRODUCES

Depending of whom I have spoken to since the beginning of the end of Menzgold, I’ve either believed strongly that it was a deliberate diabolic scheme to dupe unsuspecting (or in the words of the Finance Minister, Greedy) investors, or it was a genuine effort to set up a nouvelle gold trading business, different from anything regulators and industry experts had ever envisaged, and share the wealth accrued for everyone’s benefit.

I wish I had heeded to Richard’s advice when he spoke to me about a promising and lucrative gold business he was engaged in almost five years ago. Richard Nana Appiah Mensah or “Negus Negasty” (and sometimes “Stonzy”) as his nicknames were back in school, was my classmate in Adisadel College. We were in an Arts class of less than fifty students so we were a pretty close group.

The aim of this piece is not to chronicle the school life of the “mysterious” Millionaire popularly called NAM1. I aim to convince you through this article that despite all what has been and is being said about the NAM1 and his dealings – whether criminal or pious – there really aren’t many worthy alternative invesment options available to the masses so in our collective interest, we should all hope NAM 1 cooks another scheme for us in the near future.

Hold on with any insults directed at me and finish reading this short piece first…

Customers of Menzgold have been ridiculed and vilified so much that persons who once happily queued to collect their monies in black poly and ‘Ghana Must Go’ bags are now shy to even admit they invested there. When you hear everyone refer to an investment you made as a sign of greed and lack of financial savviness, how do you come out and cry loudly that you are a victim.

I never invested in Menzgold for two main reasons. Firstly, I didn’t have any idle lump sum lying around to deposit, and secondly, as I mentioned earlier, NAM1 was my mate; not just age mate, or another school mate but he sat just two seats behind me for three straight uninterrupted years: he was my classmate and i think i knew him quite well. i knew what he was and what he is capable of doing. I wasn’t going to be easily swayed by the sudden glorious accolades and supposed academic qualifications including economics and mining, all of which he reportedly acquired from the University of Ghana. I was happy for the Nana Appiah I sat in class with and the wealth he commanded but I wasn’t convinced.

The crashing of the NAM Empire was not unexpected, though I support those who blame Government acting through its Agencies, the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) and the Bank of Ghana (BOG) for quickening what was otherwise an inevitable slow death.

For decades, many people have had brilliant ideas and plans sitting in nicely labelled folders on their computers, awaiting the elusive miracle of sudden implementation. Such persons and others who have never thought of, attempted to or succeeded in implementing anything worthy on their own, are the harshest critics of NAM1. They fail to recognize that no matter how criminally minded he may have been, the glowing success Nana Appiah achieved in this relatively short period must have been borne out of tact, proper planning and execution. The guy is just a Genius – He met all who mattered in this country and beyond, and single handedly almost collapsed the nation’s financial system which the experts probably believed was robust.

It was easy to avoid investing in Menzgold when I first learnt of it because then, I just didn’t have the cash but now that I do, let me ask… what will be a worthwhile investment if I have Fifty Thousand Ghana Cedis (GhC 50,000.00) in cash today? Save in a bank that will give me less than 5% per annum; invest in a company that offers just about 2% per month or start a business which is likely to be frustrated by the many bottlenecks in the system.

I beat myself each night for not investing heavily with Menzgold while it was Menzbank or even Menzbanc. I surely won’t repeat such a mistake knowing that all the state will do is to issue warnings. At least I could withdraw my principal before the third warning comes in. That would probably be after five years of promptly receiving my cash dividends.

The only real benefit of stopping the activities of Menzgold now is that I don’t have to endlessly explain to parents and close friends who wonder what went wrong with me if indeed I claim NAM1 sat only a few seats away from me in the same class. They will understand there’s truly no shortcut to heaven and I am not doing as badly as NAM1 makes some of us look.

Anyone close to NAM1(his numbers are not going through) should inform him that just as he brought Menz – Bank, Banc and Gold – after the collapse of that gold scheme in Kasoa years back, I will wait for his next ponzi when the Menzgold ‘noise’ dies down and I will invest heavily. After all, as he said while celebrating the “stupidity of ace broadcaster, Israel Laryea”, “Business is not for the Pope”.

Wo suro aaa, wonndi

Author: Pasino Man

Facebook / Twitter: @Pasinoman

Email: pasifred@gmail.com

HAVE THE STARS SHINED AT STARR FM? – A YEAR ON

I paid attention to, and wrote about Starr FM about a year ago, when the newly established station attempted to plunge the whole country into stark darkness by employing all stars – including those in the skies – to work in one station. I was skeptical about this move because we had witnessed several failed attempts by other radio stations in the past.

Well, a year after I wrote ‘Why the Stars at Starr May Not Shine’, I am back again to review my thoughts. Were my sentiments a premonition?

Starr FM has certainly come to stay, no doubt. With such a fat bottomless purse, why won’t they stay? The average ‘Joe’ in Accra who is aware that Ghana currently has a substantive Vice-President and even knows his name also knows of Starr FM. They don’t necessarily need to have listened to the station before; being aware of its existence alone is enough. At least, if a staff said to an acquaintance that ‘I work at Starr’, he/she doesn’t have to explain whether Starr produces pure water, alcoholic beverage, T-roll or diapers; the public knows what they do.

The past one-year must really have been an interesting ride for the Starr family. From the highly patronized massive ‘S-Concert’ on the Osu Oxford street (it was a free show on the street so what did you expect with crowd?), through the continuous arrival of both on-air and off-air staff – albeit in smaller droves – from ‘mother’ company, ‘Multimedia,’ to the ‘voodoo’ research that named Starr as the most-listened-to English radio station in Accra, this year old baby with sharp teeth has certainly known no dull moment.

On air, there have been the highs and the lows. I mean continuous highs and some perpetuated lows.

Ever tried listening to the morning show on Starr FM? *Yawns*. I know I am not qualified to attempt critiquing a genius like Kafui Dey. I look up to him when it comes to MCeeing. In fact, I have read his book, How to MC any Event about eight times already and still counting. I am a distant mentee of his, but to say the Starr FM Morning Show is anything but boring will be akin to me saying “the Cedi is more valuable than the dollar.”

And why was the much advertised ‘Kafui and Jackie Ankrah’ co-hosting of the show ditched? Well, maybe someone realized that there was no point serving an overdose of potent poison. Whoever you are, thanks for sparing us the agony.

‘The Zone’ with Naa Ashorkor has grown. Yes, it has. For someone who had no radio experience prior to Starr FM, she can only get better. I will give Naa another year before I make any judgments. If you heard Naa in her first few weeks and heard her on the show today, you would agree she has grown with the show. More time will just be fair for someone I call my friend.

But wait ooo… Is Naa not too everywhere on my TV nowadays? Well, never mind.

In my honest opinion, the flagship of Starr FM has been the drive with Bola Ray. Yes, trust the Emperor in his usual hype-man fashion to make you believe that a small event for about 25 people is the biggest thing to happen in West Africa. If you doubt his antics, try asking Sarkodie what made him brag so much to incur the wrath of Ace hood, almost marring the release of their collaboration. It’s a joy listening to Bola anytime and I love the weekly ‘Starr Chat’.

Again, it is too early to comment on the ‘BolAnita’ partnership. The prospects certainly look good but let’s give it sometime. Jon Germain isn’t doing badly with his ‘drop off’ show either. He’s quite a pleasant home-bound traffic companion.

I have listened to ‘Starr news’ a couple of times but in all those moments, its either because for some strange reason, I could not tune in to Joy FM or even Citi FM, or because I didn’t own the car from which the sound was bleating so I couldn’t help but listen. When was the last time an issue raised on Starr news became a topical one in Ghana? Well, don’t mind my bias but we all know where to turn to for breaking news.

The online outfit of the station started with a bang, but since Archbishop Duncan-Williams stopped making controversial comments from the pulpit and since discerning readers saw through the sinister agenda in releasing the hotel CCTV footage from the ‘KKD Saga’, the site has practically seized to be of much impact. Somebody tell ‘Habemus Papa’ to please say something about gays or women this Sunday. Starrfmonline.com needs it badly!

Certainly, there are shows on Starr that I believe are clearly direct clones of those on other stations. Saturday’s ‘Morning Zoo’ and ‘Club Arena’ are such examples. Why go to Peter when I can directly get Jesus? After all, who doesn’t know originals are better than counterfeits?

As for the research that said Starr was the-most-listened-to English station after barely six months in operation, it only reminded me of a joke that says: “The funniest jokes are jokes which are not funny the moment they are told!” Days, months and years after, when you remember how ‘unfunny’ the joke was, and the silly look on the joker’s face, you may laugh your heart out to death. Well, I am having one such good laugh now. The most terrible joke of a study I have read in a while!

On a scale of 1-100, I will give Starr FM 65%. Not for its successful on-air exploits, but for the great top-of-mind recall it enjoys. As for the numerous stars and how they are faring after a year, I guess I enjoy it anytime Ama Selormey presents the entertainment news.

I insist it’s not always about the big names!!!

Happy Birthday Starr FM.

Twitter: @Pasinoman

Email: Pasifred@gmail.com

Blog: Pasinoman.wordpress.com

WHY THE STARS AT ‘STARR’ MAY NOT SHINE

A DJ friend called me up to enquire if I had any serious contact at newly opened Starr fm here in Accra? To his disappointment, I said No and proceeded to act like the typical Ghanaian and asked ‘why’? For the 98^th time, he recounted how much he badly needed to be on radio to boost his profile, bla bla bla 4x… but this time, he added it was ‘Starr fm’ he really wanted.

The ‘Amissah-Arthur’ look on my face was almost instant and stern that even without me asking, he immediately went on to explain that the station was well on its way to be the next big thing in Ghana. Well, I must admit I haven’t followed the station nor listened to it since it started transmission but looks like ‘their social media campaign seem way better than their test transmission,’ (in Hannah Tetteh’s voice). Often I am accosted on my social media pages with the latest unsolicited filla about who has been added to the fold and who in their Starr team is celebrating a birthday.

Yes, if you thought I am referring to Kafui Dey’s birthday, ‘Aki, you are right’….. and oh, on new faces added to the team, #JonCanFind Germain is there, Naa Ashorkor and most recently, dethroned (or should I say ‘slapped’) favorite Ghanaian comedian, Funny face too; To do what? Is that what I hear you ask, errm well, I am not the manager so I cant tell but lets see if like lawyer Phillip Addison’s reliance on precedent cases in court, we can also learn from a few past cases in Ghana.

I cringe anytime ‘celebrities’ are hand picked and fixed in other areas with the assumption that they will automatically succeed because they are popular. Let me make myself clear before my whining and winding makes anyone think I am jealous or a hater – far from that.

Examples of TV celebrities failing on radio abound in Ghana’s short media history. Did you know KSM ever hosted a radio show some years back; of course you wont know because it was nothing close to the ‘saga of the returnee’ and ‘Afia Serebour’ performances we had grown to love and admire him for. KSM was hosting a monologue civic education programme on the Vibe Fm. Yh right, I tuned in a couple of times but almost always, it was my scanning device which connived with some forces to make a stop there.

Fast forward…. and Xfm came in with a bang. They came after Yfm, but just before Radio XYZ.

What was the X-factor about X fm? Well, they made the skies go dim. All the stars were on radio now, name them… Chris Atoh, Jon Germain, Confidence Haugen etc. Did they make any impact? I dare you to tell me off the cuff, the frequency of XFm and the name a single programme and I will know they won at least one soul.

Allo Tigo’s Jon Germain provided no competition to ‘super soul sister’ Doreen Andoh or even to ‘Ghana’s first facebook-verified female celebrity’ (She was celebrated on Citi Fm as such), Jessica Saforo – Jon was just there some. Infact, no high profile person made much impact and like the name of the show Chris Attoh hosted was; – ‘F what you heard’ – about why the station failed, I can bet you, others would have succeeded under those same circumstances.

A little ‘Snowden’ keeps whispering to me and asking about ‘Live Fm’ and why I won’t cite them. Well, that review will be for another day. At least they went in for some known radio personalities. Why is their impact still low?? Errmm, I said another day.

To make sense out of the almost six hundred letters I have typed so far, all I am saying is, fact that people are successful in some entertainment fields doesn’t make them automatic fits in other areas. Its akin to thinking that every radio presenter can be a very good MC for every programme. Try it.

To Starr fm, it’s obvious ‘money no be problem’ but I wish to caution that we have seen some before oooo. Please give the unchallenged market leaders competition but mind you, names don’t automatically do that.

I sit here, combing through the small mind in my big head and trying to really understand what at all must have informed the employment of some of these celebrities but wait ooo, there’s this green frog called ‘kermit’ all over social media and it reminds me, ‘its none of my business.’

@Pasinoman